Anticipation....

Well, we're finally on the downhill end of these past few weeks apart. It's been great being able to spend time with my family and I definitely appreciate the generosity and hospitality (and plane ticket...). These past few weeks have made me remember why I hated long-distance dating so much. Sometimes you just need a hand hold, or a kiss on the forehead, or to actually see their face and hear their voice. Phone calls just don't cut it. And around a bunch of other Army guys they aren't always conducive to the environment. There have been a few tough days and we always seem to fight more the longer we are apart. [[Our solution to that: we just never need to be apart for days and days at a time. And we shouldn't be allowed to fight in text messages either.]] But, not to worry, my loyal readers. Despite any previous conversations or other interactions of the past few weeks, we are still madly in love and still going strong. At least I am, but I'm pretty positively sure AJ feels the same way.

The highlight of this week, besides getting to see each other and finally go home together, is Thursday. We have our ultrasound. We're hoping to find out whether it's a boy or a girl. And, of course, that everything else is going well too. I still haven't felt the baby (or at least haven't recognized it as being the baby... there was one time I wasn't sure, but I think it was just tummy bubbles). It's making me a little nervous, but I still have about 4 weeks before I need to really freak out. I'm sure that'll make it a little more real that there's a baby in there, not that I'm just having "fat days" everyday of my life.



Soo, all I really want is a healthy, happy child and whatever gender it turns out to be will be welcomed and anticipated, but... I see definite pro's and con's to both. I mean somethings will be the same, like AJ's gonna wrestle and play with our bean regardless of gender. And it'll be loved and nurtured and taught regardless. I feel so neglectful calling my baby "it". But, are we gonna play dollies or legos? Dress up or cars? Hot Chocolate Parties (because we don't drink tea) or with building blocks in the dirt? It's hard for me to get real excited because I don't have this 'fantasy picture' in my head of what life with our bean will be like. (I know: late night feedings, utter exhaustion, no more sponenaiety, toys and poop and barf everywhere, ect...)

I always kinda wanted my oldest to be a boy, so my other kiddos would have a big brother, but a little girl would be a lot of fun too. I've kinda felt all along that it's a girl... but I'm not sure if that's mother's instinct or my secret wishful thinking. I know AJ would love a son to teach all the 'boy' things to... tools and cars and motorcycles and roughhousing and camping and building cities out of legos, but I also know that if it's a girl, she'll be Daddy's Little Princess (and he thinks it's hard to say 'no' to me...). Either way, it'll be amazing. I'm so glad we were able to schedule the ultrasound for when AJ can go too. Now, if we could just get him out of Annual Training the three weeks before our baby is due...